An openly fascist millionaire who played a leading role in wrecking Britain now feels he deserves your sympathy, it has been reported.
Speaking to a right-wing fake-news paper, a tearful Nigel Farage said: “I’m a victim of bullying by a large section of the British public who disagree with my odious political views.”
“I am being hounded by humanist thugs who’ve rejected national socialism out of hand. Amazingly, these people want close and peaceful cooperation with mainland Europe, instead of nationalism and war.”
“Things are really bad for me now. I am now 53 years old, separated and skint. Not only am I down to my last ten million, I am also shagging a younger woman who also happens to be a French politician.”
“The money I was getting from Russia has all but dried up now that Putin has moved on to destabilising other European countries, even Arron Banks is having to shop at Lidl these days.”
“I can walk down the street on my own without being attacked or abused, and I do it every day. However, in an attempt to gain sympathy, I will pretend I live in fear of ‘Momentum Remoaner Thugs’, or whatever it was Angela Eagle called people who think the country should be run for the benefit of the many, not the few.”