Tag Archives: Andrew Marr

“Balance” means giving suspected criminals and fascists a platform to lie, says BBC

Suspected criminals and blatant fascists must be given a platform to lie to the public because of “balance” rules, the BBC has announced.

The announcement comes as suspected criminal and far right activist Arron Banks is set to appear on The Andrew Marr show.

Defending the decision on Twitter, the right wing BBC host Andrew Marr wrote: “As the state broadcaster, the BBC has strict rules handed down from the Conservative Party which means that if it is unavoidable that some uncomfortable facts come out, then we need to balance those facts by letting someone from the far right spout lies unchallenged on live TV.”

“For example, the failed businessman Arron Banks is being investigated for crimes related to the source of his large donation to the Leave campaign. But because revelations about his alleged criminal activity means the validity of the referendum vote is now highly questionable, our balance rules kick in and he must be allowed to tell his side of the story, which is basically just a pack of lies.”

Get the Anti Tory App for Google Chrome!

“We also have to consider the will of the people, which is and always will be what the Conservative Government say it is, so Brexit is the only true path and all other options are unpatriotic and antisemitic.”

“Under the same rules, we are also obliged to hold the opposition to account over their treasonous attempts to seize power via the ballot box. And that’s why we’ll need to spend the whole of next week talking about claims of Labour antisemitism, to take the heat off our strong and stable dear Leader who’s in the shit for blocking criminal investigations in criminal activity by Brexiters.”

Leave voter Chris Bumfield tweeted: “Arron Banks should be given a knighthood for leading us to national salvation, so I utterly reject the really strong evidence for him being a treasonous criminal and lying twat. I don’t care if Brexit was basically a huge con which will ruin all our lives, as long as injustices like Polish workers receiving Child Tax Credits while working in Britain are ended.”

And who cares if the young won’t be able to go and study or work abroad? They can easily get a job picking fruit or wiping elderly people’s bums as a result of the exodus of EU workers, so the young should really be thanking us for the exciting job opportunities we ave created for them.”


Gas chambers in hospitals would make NHS fairer and more efficient, suggests Iain Duncan Smith

The construction of gas chambers in hospitals would make the National Health Service fairer and more efficient, Iain Duncan Smith has claimed.

Speaking to the BBC’s pro-government presenter Andrew Marr, the former Secretary of State for Work and Pensions said: “The so-called humanitarian crisis facing the NHS is definitely not a result of deliberate funding cuts that Jeremy Hunt has imposed.”

“According to my own personal research, the NHS crisis is in fact due to a worrying lack of social justice and efficiency in our hospitals.”

“And that is why I have asked Jeremy Hunt to consider introducing ATOS gas chambers into hospitals, to streamline the manslaughter of the poor and vulnerable.”

“I have also asked him to consider bringing in staff from G4S to act as hospital porters of death, who would be tasked with finding and incinerating patients who had missed a Job Centre appointment due to having been in hospital.”

“As always, the strongest safeguards will be put in place. Only after a subjective tick-box test that ignores medical evidence would a patient be wheeled into one of the hospital’s newly installed ATOS Social Justice Ovens.”

“The emergency measures that I am proposing could save the NHS and would allow Britain to accelerate the patriotic social justice revolution that I initiated during my tenure at the Department of Work and Pensions.”

To which Andrew Marr replied: “I do not have any difficult questions for you, nor will I give our viewers any hint about the sinister motives behind the policies of you and many other Tory politicians.”

“I am sure our glorious Fuhrer Mrs May, whom I adore profoundly, will seriously consider your groundbreaking proposal to establish a fairer and more efficient NHS fit for 21st century Britain, or 1930s Germany.”

“My knighthood’s in the post, right?”