DWP employees to get bonus for causing death of benefit claimants, Tories announce

Employees of the Department for Work and Pensions will receive a generous bonus for causing the death of benefit claimants, senior Tories have announced.

One senior Tory, who wished to remain anonymous to avoid looking a total cunt, told Newscrasher: “Although we do have some very good people working at the DWP, there is still an unfortunately widespread belief that their job is to help people in need, instead of hounding the poor and the vulnerable to death.”

“Much like the Germans who guarded concentration camps in the Second World War, DWP staff are mostly just following the orders that are handed down from their sadistic bosses. This needs to change if we are to reshape Britain into a place where the rich can rightly flourish at the expense of the poor.”

“While it is true that many of our staff show promise as potential Waffen-DWP soldiers, the majority still have some way to go if they want to become true Nazis.”

“And that is why the DWP will be offering a system of bonuses for staff who manage to cause benefit claimants to die. One tenth of the cost saving due to victim’s death will be paid to the responsible DWP staff member, and the rest will go towards the upkeep of the mansion where I live with my in-laws.”

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6 thoughts on “DWP employees to get bonus for causing death of benefit claimants, Tories announce”

  1. Absolute disgraceful of anyone who carries out these accessments to the most vulnerable and old pensioners and to then take a bonus. Shame on you all. DONT FORGET KARMA!!!!!

      1. As someone who has gone through a DWP contracted Atos torture session I can confirm this is more accurate than satirical.

        Until you’ve been through an Atos interrogation, I mean “assessment”, you have no idea what being bullied and humiliated is really like.

        Questions such as “why haven’t you lulled yourself” are deemed acceptable and thousands of your tax-money, (that I doubt you even make enough to pay), goes towards tribunal appeals, which I won.

        £507 million was given to companies like Atos to deny me my full entitlement of benefits and when us disabled people fight back even more money is spent when we take the decision to tribunal and win.

        Fact is these so-called austerity measures have been linked to at least 10,666 deaths and have actually cost the tax-payer money rather than save it: all so people like Dictator May can continue to quaff more expensive bottles of champagne whilst convincing idiots like you that it’s people like me at fault.

  2. Totally agree…I am going through the system again and have had no benefits for weeks now…..I WON’T attend any more of their f
    farcical medicals as they have made me ill…..
    I’ve been to hell this past 5 yrs and have a genuine illness as well as losing my partner and son, my only child….The whole thing is like a game to them and to waste our time….I WILL not give in and will fight to the end now as I have nothing much to lose anymore….KARMA

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