Tag Archives: currency crisis

BBC to stop covering Brexit because it’s been a ‘great success and now the matter is closed’

The BBC will no longer cover anything related to Brexit because it has been a great success and the matter is now closed, it has been announced.

A spokesman for the BBC said: “There is no truth at all in claims that Theresa May’s government has pressured us to hide the appalling negative impact of Brexit from our viewers.”

“The BBC has full editorial independence, which is why we’ve consistently toed the official Conservative Government’s line, giving David Cameron and now Theresa May an easy ride, and at the same time attacking Labour at every opportunity to give the Tories as much of an advantage as possible.”

“It is true, however, that the BBC has a duty to serve the public interest, and the best way to do this is to help the Tories implement cruel and insane policies that will ruin the lives of millions of people, including children.”

Brexit voter Chris Bumfield said: “Our ideological quest to leave an imaginary evil European empire is going splendidly, with no evidence having emerged to suggest that we are not hugely better off than before.”

“The other day somebody who knows things told me Brexit is going badly and that there’s something called ‘currency’ and it’s having a crisis right now.”

“But I put him straight: there is no currency crisis. In fact, every other currency around the world is suffering from hyperinflation due to Britain becoming so much more competitive and wealthy after our historic vote to leave the EU.”

Mr Bumfield added: “And if there are any negative effects from Brexit, which there definitely aren’t, they would be all the fault of the ‘Remoaners’ who keep talking the country down.”

“These Remoaners need to be quiet and help make Brexit a success, because this is a fascist state now and no dissent can be allowed.”


British government welcomes pound falling to record low

By Dorothy Hotdog

The British Pound has fallen to a historic low against the basket of major currencies which it is rated against.

Although many would consider a currency crisis to be something bad, Conservative minister Mark Ganier has welcomed the fall in the Pound: “Clearly it’s [the falling pound] to do with the [Brexit] vote, but actually it’s not an unwelcome reaction. Sterling is probably about where it should be. We’ve turned the economy to complete shit, even if voters don’t feel it yet, and this is just reflected in the financial markets.”

“We’re just going through a relatively short period of volatility, and when other countries realise how attractive the UK will be with racist employment laws, shrinking GDP, de-industrialisation, high inflation, a massive trade deficit, and general xenophobia I am confident the pound will rise again.”

Finally, let me reassure British voters that this doesn’t mean, of course, that the Pound here in Britain, in your pocket, purse or begging bowl has been devalued. And for those of you looking at retiring abroad, it still goes a long way in South Sudan.