UKIP will select its new leader using ‘trial by combat’, the party has announced.
A spokesperson for the party said: “Because we are a bunch of knuckle-dragging thugs, our internal discussions sometimes turn violent.”
“Clearly, we need a leader who is not only strong, but who also is able to beat his political opponents to a pulp with his or her bare hands.”
He added: “For this reason, our next leader will be selected using ‘trial by combat’, as seen on TV’s Game of Thrones, because barbaric fantasy violence like this is the perfect way to settle political disputes among hard-right nationalists.”
Former UKIP leader Nigel Farage said: “During the EU referendum campaign I suggested that political violence is acceptable, so I now welcome the introduction of trial by combat to the UKIP leadership contest.”
The millionaire former stockbroker who claims to speak for the man in the street added: “I came here to swill beer and beat up my opponents, and now I’m all out of beer.”